When a Pastor is a Victim

by Douglas Lay March 27, 2026

David and Bathsheba--a story of a King and a Servant.

Think about how pastors often view this story--a focus on King David's adultery, then his confession, his repentance, his consequences, and his restoration.

Think about how sexual abuse victims often view this story--a focus on Bathsheba's rape, her disgrace, her trauma, her isolation, her loss, and her hopelessness, and a focus on her husband's betrayal, his loss, his pain, and his loss of life to coverup David's rape.

But what if a pastor is also a victim?

I am both.

As a pastor, I was ordained 42 years ago--having worked as pastor in the States and in Puerto Rico, and having taught English at a Christian College in St. Louis. 

As a victim, I was abused as a child by a 43-year-old neighbor, and I was physically and sexually abused as an adult by a Christian campus pastor at a Christian College in Joplin.

So, every time I hear about the public exposure of sexual abuse, assaults, and/or affairs by a growing number of prominent Christian leaders, and the molestations, assaults, abuses, and trauma of their victims, how should I respond as a victim and as a pastor?

• As a victim, I need to hear first and foremost from the victims, abused by these prominent leaders-

• As a pastor, I need to keep my mouth shut about the impact of these leaders in my life.

• As a victim, I need to listen intently and humbly to the victims' pain and trauma-

• As a pastor, I need to not be more concerned for the embarrassment of these leaders than for the victims.

• As a victim, I need to empathetically walk through the agony and suffering of the victims-

• As a pastor, I need to silence my urgency to preach immediately about the restoration of these leaders. 

• As a victim, I need to remain quiet as long as it takes to feel the shame of the victims 

• As a pastor, I need to speak out to expose the "deeds of darkness" of these leaders.

• As a victim, I need to advocate and support these victims for the long run- 

• As a pastor, I need to stop protecting and praising these leaders and the machines of their institutions.

• As a victim, I need to recognized every victim who has publicly shared their story so I can celebrate, encourage, and support them-

• As a pastor, I need to call for these leaders to be dethroned from their lofty, out of touch pulpits.

  
  

• As a victim, I will be better able to experience and embrace the restorative joy and love of God for victims-

• As a pastor, I will be better able to differentiate between God's gracious forgiveness of sin and God's holy discipline of consequences.

Note: It was exactly 11 years ago this month when I became a "pastoral voice for abuse victims and a prophetic voice to Christian organizations". I am thankful to God for calling me as an advocate when my former pastor--Steve Wingfield--sued me and three others for reporting allegations of sexual abuse at his church by a former youth pastor.